Millions of gay men throughout the world find themselves in marriages to women because they didn’t understand their homosexuality when they got married. Most of them took their sacred vows with honorable intentions because it was the “right thing” to do according to religious, family, and societal pressures. They hoped in their hearts that loving their wives and children would make those nagging attractions to men fade and eventually go away. As hard as they try to be “straight” by living a “straight life,” in time it just doesn’t happen. No amount of therapy, counseling, or love for a family can change a man’s sexuality. Sadly, many of these gay men spend years of their lives feeling confused, guilty, trapped, and unfulfilled.
For those men who are living a double life, the prolonged staying in a marriage can last for years because they just don’t know how to leave. They have real fears that keep them stuck in the quicksand feeling paralyzed to make a move. Some of these fears include: What will the repercussions be? How can I walk away from my family? What about hurting my wife? How will my children look at me if they know I am gay? Will they hate me? These are all difficult questions that need meaningful answers.
Over the Cliff - Gay Men in Straight Marriages addresses these issues through interviews with 16 men who faced making this decision. Their stories will definitely validate everything you are feeling and fearing. In addition, the book offers advice from internationally recognized straight/gay marriage counselor Bonnie Kaye as well as her gay male peer counselor, Doug Dittmer, who also helps both men and women in their pursuit for understanding how to move past the pain of these marriages. Dittmer, a gay man previously married to a woman, has worked with Kaye over the past five years to help the hundreds of men who come to her for help annually. Dittmer identified 16 men whom he has worked with and had them agree to share their stories with you through candid conversations and interviews that he conducted. In addition to the stories from these men, Kaye and Dittmer give you their own insight based on years of counseling/coaching experience which provides a road map for best practices in the coming out process and gives guidance for future family unity and support when the marriage dissolves. This includes an overview of the grieving process that the wives go through following the marriage to help the husbands as they move ahead.
This book is also a valuable read for straight wives to explain why their husbands married them and to help them understand why their marriages failed. Through the stories of the gay husbands, women will understand that they are in no way responsible for their husband’s homosexuality or the deterioration of the marriage. So many questions that have never been answered before are addressed here through the honesty and candidness of the men in the interviews. For those wives who are unsure or stuck in their own denial, this book will serve as the eye-opener they need to accept the situation in order to move on in their lives.
OVER THE CLIFF
FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS,
GAY MEN, STRAIGHT WOMEN
$19.95 U.S. / 6” X 9”
198 pages / paperback
Also available as e-book.